I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
