So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
