Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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