When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
