have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
