I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
