12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
