oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
