i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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