I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
