He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
