Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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