I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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