I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
