Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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