He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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