i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
