just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
