I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
