How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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