Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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