Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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