I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
