haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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