You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
