we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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