the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
