this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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