Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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