do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
