So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
