Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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