i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
