bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
