i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
