Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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