Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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