My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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