so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
