she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
