The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
