I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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