There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
