so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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