Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
