I think I am morally bankrupt
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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