i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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