I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
