you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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