I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
