she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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