I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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