dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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