'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
