I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
