We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
