You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
