K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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