You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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