How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
