There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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