Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
