so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i've created a new STD.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
