i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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