This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
