I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
