I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
