just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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