Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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