I looked at my own cervix.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
