What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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