you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
