3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
