I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
