Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
