Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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